Forums Relationships im so stupid.

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    • #16436

      I have moved to a new place with my friend after breaking up with my ex. Ever since I broke up with him, I have been interested in parties, drugs, men, and sex. I can count on one hand all of the guys I have slept with in the last couple months over one or two nights. This is not me at all. They would sleep with me and then ditch, not talking to me again. About a month ago, I started talking to someone from a dating site, and sometimes he was really nice and sometimes he would be really mean and claim to be joking even though he knew it hurt me. I have given him a lot of chances because I really like him. We hung out the day before yesterday, and he was very sweet. We got along great, however despite not wanting to have sex we did that night and in the morning. He dropped me off , said he had fun and hasnt texted me since. It has been almost 24 hours. I have left him many texts. I am so hurt and scared. I can’t stop crying. I know I shouldn’t put myself in these situations but I do. I literally just want to die, I am so tired of being hurt, and my friend doesnt want to talk to me about it let alone anyone else because they are sick of me doing all of these stupid things. I wish I could kill myself right now, to be honest.

    • #18932

      Hi shayxo,

      I’m glad that you found us when you were feeling so utterly alone with the pain and worry. It sounds like since you and your ex broke up, you’ve lost yourself somewhat, and it’s proving really difficult to find yourself again. By that I mean that you’re doing things that you feel are “not you at all” – maybe to cope with the pain of the breakup? – and that it has been leaving you hurt and sad and confused a lot.

      When you started seeing this guy from the dating site, it seems like you felt a good connection, and felt ready to invest a little more in someone again — even if he has been kind of “hot and cold”. I’m guessing that you were kind of hoping that he might be the one who could help you feel more complete again, and you let yourself be vulnerable with him. But when he didn’t respond to your messages, it must have felt like you were being abandoned and betrayed. :(

      That was a few days ago now…how are you feeling now?
      It sounds like you’re really kicking yourself for things that you’ve done. It sounds like you don’t feel like anyone would want to support you, and that even if they did, you’re not worth their time. That’s a huge burden to bear, shayxo, and I’m scared that the worthlessness and pain you’re feeling might lead you to end your life. You say that you wish you could kill yourself (and I’m glad you’re honest!). I wonder what is helping you keep yourself safe when you’re feeling so alone? Reaching out here is a good step, and I encourage you to use the chat and email counselling as well if you feel like you are in need. <3

      We are here for you.
      The Support Team

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