I had went to M’s bar Friday 19th with him I was hesitant in going in so I waited in his truck, I was in fear of others judging me. M’s friend came out and opened the door so I just went inside and enjoyed playing darts with him and others.

So Monday I’ve been up since 2pm and I worked Monday night and my shift was done Tuesday morning and my co-worker asked me if I know M and she explained I need to be careful because a girl who M was seeing before me her friend saw M and I at his bar together and she told A this. A is now pissed of at me (I don’t know her) she knows my age and where I work. A’s mother is one of the managers where I work and she told A it’s M’s life and she isn’t with M, this is what my co-worker was telling me. Also, other girls who tried to get with M but M never did are jealous along side of A.

I then texted M about what was going on. He said she is a jealous person because he wasn’t with her anymore.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I took the bus to this service for addictions, me I arrived an hour early and I dislike waiting especially anything that has to do with personal stuff. I literally was on the verge of a melt down, so I left and had more cigarettes (I must of smoked 10 cigarettes within 2 hours) so I’m in the room, it was my turn and I explained I want to remain anonymous and said I’ve been struggling with addictions for the past 2 years, different variety of addictions and that I’ve never had any help for the past 3 years or longer and then being told they can’t help me. I sat there looking at my hands. I couldn’t sit there anymore, I was falling asleep and others talking about drugs and alcohol was the main focus. I randomly without thought said I needed to go and this wasn’t for me. The lady beside me looked concerned or something. I pretty much squeezed past the chairs and table and the head person who was leading the meeting (he’s also the person who I talked to on the phone last week) and from there I talked with someone. I have a intake in January for the person who was leading the meeting and after that I would have to wait a few weeks to have my first appointment.

After I had a viewing for a room (have to move December 1st) and got home and slept about an hour and got up felt sick and tired called in sick, I had to go in due to someone never called in and was a no show. 2 hours into my shift I left very ill. I went to M’s and past out.

My friend has a birthday party at M’s bar and now I’m in fear of going to just get bashed because I’m hanging with M. M and I aren’t dating, we hangout enjoy each other and have sex. Saturday morning was the last night M and I had sex and I’m dieing for sex, I’m going through withdrawal. My sleep sucks. I slept like 8 hours last night.

The Hell!!!